Did you know when you created trees that you would one day be nailed to one? Could you see the seed by seed lineage and trace it in time to the exact sapling that would grow and bear the form of your majesty? When you watched that tree grow did it represent to you the temporary decimation of your glory or did you see it as a blessed instrument that would assist you in the reclamation of your bride? Did you lovingly nurture it for this task or look away from it as one would an executioner? As it matured did you ever consider cursing the structure of its grain so it would falter under your weight? When you looked upon it as a mature tree did you see restoration in its form or did it remind you of the pain you would soon endure? How did your limitless knowledge allow you to continue and not abandon my soul as a failed and unfortunate experiment? When it was hewn into the timbers that would construct your cross did it look like agony or hope to you? Was it just a tree to you?
When you created the earth, and formed the minerals in it, did you know how they would be used against you? Could you see into the soil and rock and identify the exact deposit of ore that would be used to pierce your holy hands? When it was mined and then refined, did you consider making it brittle and weak? Did it represent to you a part of your creation that was destined for a glorious purpose or one that was a harbinger of sorrow? Did you hide it deep in the rocks or make it easy to find and available for its hideous task? Did you ever consider making the mineral with anesthetic properties that would numb the pain as it was forcibly driven through your flesh, ligaments and muscle? When it was ultimately being forged into the nails that would be used to torture and kill you, did that portion of your creation please you or repulse you? As the nails cooled, did the steam from them reach your nostrils as the sweet smell of unmerited mercy or the putrid odor of our deserving death? Did the sight of the nails that would impale your limbs cause you to question if we were worth it? Was it just a mineral to you?
When the men that were to one day hew the timbers for your cross and forge the nails for your hands and feet were in their mother’s womb, did you recognize them as executioners or love them as your cherished children? As you formed their tiny hands, did you consider deforming them so they would be unsuitable for the task? When you gazed at them in the darkness of their mother’s womb, did you want to strengthen them for the monumental travesty they would assist in or did you want to insulate them from the immeasurable shame of the act? As children, did you look upon them with disdain or a tender love that ignored their place in history? As they became men and learned their trades, did you see them as your adversary or as those destined for your perfect purpose? As he made it, did he know that the cross was for you? As he formed them, did he know the nails were for you? Were they just men to you?
Was I any less involved? Was I any less responsible for harvesting, mining and crafting the elements of your death? Have I nurtured, refined and practiced my rebellion to the horror of all heaven? Can you see through my role as your executioner to the heart that desires to feel your pleasure? Have you ever considered giving up on me or turning away? Was I worth it? Am I just a responsibility to you? If I am, please forgive me and teach me to be otherwise.
On one hand, the idea that you knew all of this ahead of time is intensely sad to me. On the other hand, it makes me appreciate and marvel at the intricately planned sacrifice even more. Lord, I don’t deal well with the anxiety of the unknown, let alone the known. Thank you for keeping that level of understanding from me Lord. I cannot fathom how it is that you knew as much as there was to know for as long as it could be known and yet you came down to claim me anyway. I am left with no other reasonable option but to worship you always and serve you without hesitation.
You owe me no explanation. You are not obligated to answer. I was just wondering.